Do you ever have days where everything just makes you angry? I do. I get angry to the point of bursting into tears, because my anger is so overwhelming that inside I feel like throwing a tantrum, but I know that would be socially unacceptable for a 31-year-old woman...
And the thing is, exercise sometimes makes it worse. According to some health professionals, exercise is the cure-all for everything. Well I'm not quite sure how it works, but I've noticed that after my zumba class I tend to feel & act more aggressively about things/towards people. I'm less likely to take any crap from someone, but I'm also more likely to maybe run my mouth off and get myself into trouble (like confronting my drug-dealing neighbour's visitors, who park wherever they like and treat the road like a drivethru).
Sometimes something makes me so mad that I can't let it go, and I carry it around on my shoulders all day & allow it to keep me awake at night. So silly! Especially as I've just finished a class on mindfulness - covering meditation, t'ai chi & breathing exercises! I tell myself that I should know better than to allow my anger to take over, but sometimes I just want to let the lil monkey out and indulge in a bit of rage!
I think my main anger triggers seem to be about injustice, politicians, and also self-proclaimed know-it-alls who think/act as if they're better than me. My last encounter with 1 such person was just 2 days ago and I'm still raging about it - pretty sure it's not healthy. But when you've known a person for a few years and known them to have problems with drugs/alcohol/smoking, and suddenly they've given up EVERYTHING, signed up to the gym & talk about going 7 days a week... I made the mistake of advising them to take it easy and ensure they get a day of rest in as well - and then all of a sudden the conversation is about me not eating right/not exercising enough because I believe in moderation and indulge in the occasional pizza!
I do classes twice a week at the gym, try to fit in a swimming session where I can and I use the Wii at home...plus due to having IBS I've been watching what I eat for 10 years and I can say with confidence that 90% of my meals are homecooked from scratch, with plenty of fresh fruit n veg thrown in....oh, and I can count on 1 hand the number of alcohol units I've had this year & never smoked....so why do I still feel the need to justify myself to others? It's like a constant feeling of inadequacy in the back of my mind. That and frustration that I can't seem to lose a single pound, having put on a stone a year since I moved here...some days I actually feel ashamed - especially when I see all my friends with careers, kids, houses....and here I am, a student who's broke & still has to rely on parents for support. So maybe my monkey is just a defense mechanism for other, deeper, feelings....
And the thing is, exercise sometimes makes it worse. According to some health professionals, exercise is the cure-all for everything. Well I'm not quite sure how it works, but I've noticed that after my zumba class I tend to feel & act more aggressively about things/towards people. I'm less likely to take any crap from someone, but I'm also more likely to maybe run my mouth off and get myself into trouble (like confronting my drug-dealing neighbour's visitors, who park wherever they like and treat the road like a drivethru).
Sometimes something makes me so mad that I can't let it go, and I carry it around on my shoulders all day & allow it to keep me awake at night. So silly! Especially as I've just finished a class on mindfulness - covering meditation, t'ai chi & breathing exercises! I tell myself that I should know better than to allow my anger to take over, but sometimes I just want to let the lil monkey out and indulge in a bit of rage!
I think my main anger triggers seem to be about injustice, politicians, and also self-proclaimed know-it-alls who think/act as if they're better than me. My last encounter with 1 such person was just 2 days ago and I'm still raging about it - pretty sure it's not healthy. But when you've known a person for a few years and known them to have problems with drugs/alcohol/smoking, and suddenly they've given up EVERYTHING, signed up to the gym & talk about going 7 days a week... I made the mistake of advising them to take it easy and ensure they get a day of rest in as well - and then all of a sudden the conversation is about me not eating right/not exercising enough because I believe in moderation and indulge in the occasional pizza!
I do classes twice a week at the gym, try to fit in a swimming session where I can and I use the Wii at home...plus due to having IBS I've been watching what I eat for 10 years and I can say with confidence that 90% of my meals are homecooked from scratch, with plenty of fresh fruit n veg thrown in....oh, and I can count on 1 hand the number of alcohol units I've had this year & never smoked....so why do I still feel the need to justify myself to others? It's like a constant feeling of inadequacy in the back of my mind. That and frustration that I can't seem to lose a single pound, having put on a stone a year since I moved here...some days I actually feel ashamed - especially when I see all my friends with careers, kids, houses....and here I am, a student who's broke & still has to rely on parents for support. So maybe my monkey is just a defense mechanism for other, deeper, feelings....
I can relate to practically every word of this. I find it almost impossible to tell anyone "This is me. Deal with it" and then walk away. I have to keep persuading people that I'm 'allowed' to be how I am. Then I get angry because they seem to disagree.
ReplyDeleteLogically I know that it can't really be like that. But I can't stop myself.
Yes, it's weird how we can accept other people but feel we need to justify ourselves to others all the time...makes me angry at myself for doing it, like an anger-cycle!
ReplyDelete